I know I never use this thing anymore. I guess that I should ask you folks to take me off of your friends list. I just don't feel that urge to spill my guts, anymore. So much has happened in the past few weeks, and yet... when I think of all the things I have to do, in order to *update* this thing, I feel overwhelmed.
I guess what I'm saying is that I love you all and I like to read about you, but when it comes to me... I just really don't have the energy to put any effort into this thing, anymore. Perhaps, after the holidays, things might be different. I know that I tend to change as a person, dramatically, during the holiday season. I used to think about current events and ponder... how can I get this across, in my journal?
I'm not sure *how* I changed. I don't necessarily think that it is/was for the better. I feel that a lot of things I say go unnoticed. DEFINITELY NOT YOUR FAULT! -- Everyone has his or her own forte. Mine is the ability to remain absolutely vague at times, and other times... to be so absolute, that everyone I know, becomes offended. I don't blame you, in the least. I'm not a very good person. I'm not a very dedicated person, and plainly... I'm not very ritualistic.
You all have my absolute love. My thoughts, my feelings, my endeavors are with you, forever and always. In some ways, I hope that this retirement is temporary. Trust me, it has nothing to do with *who responds to what*. It has nothing to do, with you.
In some efforts, I've thought that I could revive this journal. I've tried to write journals, since I was 8 years old. I've NEVER been any good at it!
I wish that I could explain to you, how strange each and every waking moment presents itself to me. It is not without much love, that I have come to this conclusion. I am forever yours. I just can not be so much my own. I do not find myself interesting enough, to continue this endeavor.
If there was a way that I could paraphrase everything, so quickly, so dramatically... I might consider doing so. Time changes every face. Every clock. Every notion. Every fixture of the fathomable imagination. Time and rhyme... with or without... whither without, continous motion. I will thrive. My journal, on the other-hand, may not.
Thank you, to all of my friends, who showed concern for me. Who dared to share, when times were rusty. Who favored me, when all seemed lost. You are true and dear friends that I hope to never lose. Perhaps when things are cleaner, clearer and less obscure, I may rejoin you, but for now... I bid you adieu.
Until when, my confidants!